Well, I am feeling inspired thanks to the love of some good friends of mine to open up some more. It's kind of hard to do at first. I'm not used to sharing so much but it feel good to talk about some of it and get it out in the open.
Today I took the boys to our favorite place to walk. We only had walked for about 5 minutes when Blake stopped in the middle of the path and refused to go any further. He started crying so I tried just walking ahead a bit but he wouldn't budge. It is really hard to figure out what he wants. He doesn't tell us. I am pretty good at just knowing what he needs but that is probably because I know him so well. I still have moments everyday where he can't tell us what he wants or needs. I also get frustrated because I don't want Garrett to be left out. I really worry about him because he doesn't get as much attention as I would like him to. My husband and I took the boys to the pool in Nanaimo to swim a couple of weeks ago and Blake pretty much had a melt down. Garrett LOVED it. He is my water baby! I was lucky to have my dad and Carol watch Blake for me last friday so I could take my little Garr-bear to the pool for a swim, just me and him. It was soooooo nice to spend time with just Garrett for a change. Don't get me wrong I missed Blake terribly and it felt strange not to have him with us but I noticed things about Garrett that I hadn't noticed before. This is one of my biggest fears. That Garrett will end up growing up feeling left out because of all the attention Blake gets. So once a week Garrett and mommy have alone time together. Right now we are enjoying our time at the pool but as he gets older i'll add some new activites to our special day.
I had this big plan in my head to have Blake's 3rd birthday party at Jumping Jimineys in Nanaimo but before I forked out all the money, I thought we better do a test drive. So we went this last Saturday. My husband, Blake, Garrett, and myself loaded up the red hot minivan and made the trip down to Nanaimo. Well sure enough Blake panicked as soon as they put the wristband on him so I had to wear it. I'm not sure if that set him off but once we got in he started shaking and crying. We took him over to the toddler area we're we put Garrett to play and Blake clamed down but wouldn't go play on the big slides and climbing equipment. It makes me really sad because I don't want Blake to miss out on things in life. I want him to enjoy everything and be care-free as kids are supposed to be.
So I have decided not to have a big party for him. Instead we are going to take the boys out to Yellowpoint to a farm called Yawning Acres where we will take a hayride as a family and pick some pumpkins. I really hope he doesn't get scared.
Those are my thoughts for today. Thank for listening. xx